When Basic Personal Finance Advice Steers You Wrong

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“You can’t lie down here,” she whispered to me in the back of the meditation hall. I did look odd stretched out on the floor while everyone else was sitting on their cushions without complaint.

But I had my reasons, which I began relaying as she frowned down at me. I had been dealing with unexplained chronic pain in my neck and arms for over a year, and was out of work at the moment because my hands and arms couldn’t function properly. Downstairs, I had waited for someone to come along and press the elevator button because I couldn’t.

What this glorified gong ringer did not know was that the only way for me to practice meditation with others was lying down. It was the least painful posture I could take. I wasn't intending disrespect, just getting on the subway from Brooklyn to Manhattan in my wobbly condition felt like its own kind of pilgrimage to meditation. But she wasn’t having it and sent me away like an unwelcome thought. 

The funny thing about meditation is that you actually can’t tell what’s going on in someone else’s mind when they’re sitting quietly. They could be in a deep state of concentration—or replaying the intro to Perfect Strangers in their mind. Because mindfulness isn’t about how it looks from the outside. It’s a practice, not a position. You can practice mindfulness in an attic, on a submarine, and with or without a mustache (confirmed). 

Similarly, you can experience spendfulness at different moments of your life in a wide variety of circumstances and income levels. You can spend without second-guessing at all, even if what you’re doing with your money is different from your neighbors.

But this is not what you’ve been told. You’ve been told that personal finance is about following some rigid, inviolable rules:

“Renting is throwing your money away.”
“Always avoid debt.”
“Never lease a car, always buy.”
“Pay off your mortgage as fast as possible.”
“Skip the latte or you’ll be dumpster diving in retirement.”

Reformulated in a thousand ways, these are the basic chords of personal finance. But this kind of advice is surface level.

Any of these might be right for you, but there’s a better way to drive your decisions. 

Give every dollar a job, over and over. That’s how you figure out what shape your spendfulness will take. As your paycheck comes in, you put some of it towards next month’s rent, money which you are (obviously) not putting into something else.

About your rent: Are you grateful for the flexibility of being able to move when your lease is up? Of not having to pay for yard care and roof repairs? Or do you wish you were channeling more money into fixing up a home that you owned? Do you yearn to mow your own lawn?

With every decision about where to send your money, you’ll feel the pull of the life you want. Listen to that voice, not the scared one telling you to conform or get out of the shrine room.

Spendfulness opens up a whole new money mindset: one focused on the person in personal finance. Try it out for 34 days with only gains to be made.

YNAB IRL: Getting mileage out of their money

Adam and his wife from South Carolina dropped off this note after their latest motorcycle vacation.

We had almost $50K in debt together when we married, and paying it off has allowed us to live a good lifestyle in middle age. We have a modest home that we choose to invest in and that allows us to travel whenever we want. Winning with money is emotional. Spendfulness is real and YNAB helps us plan our lives and not stress about money.

What tradeoffs do you make to prioritize the important stuff?

We stopped eating out and getting coffee as much. We gave each other a fun money allowance that there are no questions asked and no need to track. It's a one-line item each in our budget. When I say whatever we want, I mean I don't have to log individual purchases for me at the motorcycle shop and she doesn't have to log all her purchases on Temu.

What category in YNAB most represents your values and why?

Our investment category. We chose a smaller, more modest home instead of keeping up with our friends and taking on huge mortgages in middle age for a fancy house. Now we send them pics from our vacations.

Top financial dream?

Buy a house on the lake when we retire.