Stop Trying to Spend Less Money

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As a kid, I knew vacation had arrived when my uncle’s wood-paneled station wagon pulled into the driveway and out he stepped with black socks and dazzlingly pale legs. Road trips with Uncle Bob meant three things: no bathroom breaks, a progressively frantic search for a commemorative state shot glass, and a small notepad in his shirt pocket on which he chronicled every transaction.

In many ways, Bob was a throwback. He grew up in the 60s and somehow ended up liking exactly the same stuff as his parents. Forget Dylan; it was non-stop polka on his car radio. Give him a highly air-conditioned hotel room with blackout curtains and a TV and he’d gradually relax to The Three Stooges and old Westerns (while the rest of us went mad). 

Inherited Money Habits and Generational Frugality

Like my grandfather, Uncle Bob was the breadwinner and handled money in the family. On his notepad, he kept track of how much money was being spent at any time, whether it was cash, credit, or check. He was a one-man expense tracking app, heavy on awareness and light on pleasure.

He was frugal and famously stubborn (he once paced outside of a McDonald’s while his entire family and my mom and I ate lunch inside because there was “perfectly good” lunch meat available back in the hotel fridge).

In one important way he was not like my grandfather, however. Bob was a doctor, earning a relatively high salary in a small Pennsylvania town, whereas my grandfather had worked as a coal miner and then a machinist.

My grandparents, children of the Great Depression, had instilled in Bob an everlasting compulsion to control costs. By saving money, you weren’t just being safe, you were showing good character.

Why Spending Can Feel Painful Even When You Can Afford It

But what happens when you actually have plenty of money?

To a certain generation from coal-mining country, a basic question like ‘What is your money for?’ might seem outlandish, even insensitive. But if you don't consciously answer this question (well, actually spend your whole life answering it), every time you spend money it will feel painful and upsetting. You'll start to resent spending altogether which, it turns out, closes a lot of opportunities in life.

Trying to spend less money without intention can make every purchase feel painful.

How Unexamined Money Beliefs Affect Daily Life

Money touches everything, which means that when we continue money habits from our parents or grandparents, we're reenacting their personalities, their moments in history. Don't get me wrong, I love my grandparents but I want to choose my own path. And money is an everyday, integral part of that.

Choosing How to Spend Your Money With YNAB

At YNAB we've been teaching people how to get good with money with our tried-and-true method for over 20 years. We teach people to be proactive and choose how to spend their money based on their current funds and priorities, not psychological reflexes from days gone by.

But still, Uncle Bob would be proud because our method ensures that your essentials are always covered. You can try us for 34 days for free, no credit card or pocket notebook required.