How Not to Have Your Next Gift Backfire

This post is adapted from YNAB's twice-monthly newsletter, Loose Change.

Consider Aaron Judge, the greatest home-run hitter in baseball (I will not be entertaining counterarguments). Every time he steps to the plate, he is probably hoping to send the ball about 430 feet to right-center field. But even he, out of 559 at-bats last year, “only” managed to hit 58 of them out of the park.

That’s the thing about home runs: they're rare. Gift-giving perhaps offers similar odds. If a gift card to Panera is the equivalent of a single in baseball—safe and useful, but ain’t no one standing up to clap for you—what makes a great gift, something that the other person will treasure?

Let’s take lavish spending off the table. Not because it’s wrong, but because it’s less accessible. Plus, if the gift has to be expensive, you’ll give less often, and we don’t want that. Gifting is magical. Done right, it’s a joy for both parties.

There’s one class of gift I want to zero in on: the “I tried this and thought of you” kind. It’s tempting, because it comes from a good place. You love your mindful eating app, your personal trainer, or that book about reducing screen time, and now you’d like to see your friend or family member love it as well.

But what if the person senses criticism, however mild, that they could use some fixing? No one wants to be perceived as floundering in one way or another, even if that’s not what you were thinking. Especially about money.

When people struggle with money, those feelings of failure or shame do not stay trapped in a stainless-steel bulkhead labeled “Financial Matters,” only to emerge when you log into your banking app. No, our experiences with money contribute to our self-esteem and confidence. They dog us, disturbing our sleep and complicating our relationships.

After all, money touches almost every part of your life. Which, of course, is the reason why anyone having a difficult time with money should try YNAB! It’s a profound tool for self-realization. Create family memories! Become a backyard chicken farmer! Buy your mom a house!

So if someone you know could use a little more spendfulness, remember: this isn’t about suggesting they need fixing. It’s offering something that could help them become more themselves—confident, calm, less stressed—by spending their money in wonderful (and potentially weird) ways.

But back to psychology… when people feel criticized or when they fear a loss of freedom (“you should start budgeting…”😰), they experience greater resistance to whatever is being presented. That’s why subtlety is key.

For instance, if you think your friend might enjoy weightlifting, don’t go out and buy them a Bowflex. Get a small gift like a wrist wrap, something that nonchalantly says I care about you, but you also don’t have to mold yourself exactly in my likeness.

Same idea here. At YNAB, we’ve made it easy to let someone try our method for three months. For the price of a few pretzels at Yankee Stadium ($34.99), you can give someone three months of YNAB. And you can do it with compassion and encouragement. Send it with a note that says, “This app helped me stop feeling like I was constantly behind, and I thought it might be helpful in this season for you, too. No pressure. Rooting for you always.”

You can schedule it to land in their inbox at just the right time and we’ll take care of the rest. The learning curve, the emotional curve—we’ve got it covered. With workshops, the best support team in the biz, and an insatiable desire to help people stop second-guessing their spending, we’re here. And we never judge. Just like you.

So send the gift that says: no big deal, this might just change your life.

You’ve found peace of mind with your money—now share it. Give the gift of YNAB and help someone you love never worry about money again.

Good With Money: A Look at Real YNABers

Lisa is earning her PhD and self-financing it without any student loans. She sent us this note during her summer break, most likely from an inner tube somewhere in Wisconsin.

“[In 2008] My ex-husband thought he was going to eat cat food in retirement because of the more than $30K of credit card debt he carried. I had about $20K at the time but said, Hell no! You can eat cat food but I'm going to figure a way out of all this debt instead. After lots of digging (and trial and error), I found YNAB when it was still desktop-only! I'm still with it after all these years. The ex-husband? Long gone!”

‍What tradeoffs do you make to prioritize the important stuff?
‍“I tend to give up small splurges to fund my longer term savings goals, like travel.”

‍What category in YNAB most represents your values?
‍“Education, travel, my cat, and crafting. And groceries since I rarely eat out!”

‍Top financial dream?
‍“Once I've completed my PhD without acquiring any additional debt, I want to build up my emergency fund to at least six months of expenses. That will help me feel so much more secure!”

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